Drinking Was Hard On My Marriage So Was Recovery.

But for most couples experiencing substance use, life after sobriety isn’t so smooth. This is because of the way long-term substance use has affected both partners as well as the relationship itself. Substance use disorder doesn’t only affect the person who’s addicted to drugs and alcohol — it affects loved ones as well, especially the partner who’s living with the person experiencing addiction. There are over 40 million people in the U.S. alone living with substance use disorder. Sober people and their partners understand that sobriety isn’t a joint effort. The person not drinking is the one doing the work, and there are others best positioned to help them in this ongoing effort.

The sober partner isn’t dependent on the other to maintain their sobriety. They have other sources of support.

I urge affected others to avail themselves of the wealth of good literature and support accessible through 12 step programs like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics and others. We understand the challenges of this stage of life, and our program is specifically built to serve the mid-life adult in a meaningful and individualized way. That’s because codependency is a relationship trait and condition that’s independent of the substance use itself. In other words, it continues even when the substance use has stopped. Codependency can Alcoholics Anonymous continue to affect marriages even after your partner has become sober. Because of the difficult aspects of substance use recovery, the partner in recovery may not initially have the energy to commit to healing the relationship.

• Often, there is a “honeymoon” period when they’re on their best behavior and reaffirm their love and commitment.
• If you need a calm, peaceful place to work through the 12 steps, contact Myrtle Beach Recovery for information on our residential recovery programs.
• Stress can come in a lot of different forms when you’re trying to get sober – marriage doesn’t have to be one of them.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Adam Banks was an airline pilot who turned to alcohol to cope with the trauma of having been in the skies on Sept. 11, 2001. His use escalated over the years, and by his early 30s, he realized that it was time for him to quit — but it took a while before he understood that this would require leaving his partner. A marriage in recovery means volunteering to go through that backlog together. If I needed him to divorce after sobriety not drink in front of me, then he would. Every day, I would wake up with a hangover, hit the snooze button for 30 or 40 minutes, dreaming of ways to get out of work.

The drinking partner believes in the sober partner’s strength, and imagines a shared future in which they remain sober.

The supportive partner may want to be needed, and feel unhappy, lost, or confused with the new relationship dynamic. It’s recommended that the supportive partner seeks their own support during the recovery process. You may consider individual therapy or a peer-led support program like Al-Anon. It may require an intentional and lengthy process for both partners to learn how to rebuild trust within the relationship. These mental health symptoms can last longer than the withdrawal period, especially if the person with SUD hasn’t learned healthy coping mechanisms to deal with unwanted feelings. Some sober people find a partner in another sober person, but it isn’t the rule.

Rebuilding Takes TIME!

• My pregnancy added an additional challenge to the recovery process.
• I’ve spent the last seven years researching and understanding alcoholism, addiction, and how people get sober.
• The book is filled with relatable stories from real couples who have faced their own struggles with alcohol.
• Having a strong support system in place can make all the difference in maintaining a healthy marriage after rehab.

These days, it’s easier for her to pass when others are drinking. “We were at a party recently, and this guy came out with a tray of shots and was like, ‘Everybody take a shot! While Royle was with her husband before she stopped drinking, she now sees how much her desire to drink fueled their use. “When we first started dating, he drank a lot — or I thought he drank a lot. He definitely drank more because I drank more,” said Royle.

There is an unfortunate link between alcoholism and infidelity in marriage. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and impairs judgement, often leading to decisions one might not consider when sober. Infidelity, borne of such impaired judgement, only adds another layer of hurt and mistrust in a marriage already strained by alcohol misuse. These cards enable partners to connect emotionally, and increase intimacy and understanding in a fun, gentle way. This is going to surprise a lot of people, and may not necessarily https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/10-best-alcohol-addiction-recovery-books/ be well-received in some corners.